English Communication Skill: Effective Listening Needs Questions

Effective listening requires asking questions.  No one says everything you want to hear in the optimal order, depth, and detail that you are wanting.  You have to ask.  Questions are a way of getting the information you want or need.

In the American culture, our etiquette prohibits us from  barraging the other person with rapid-fire questions.  In American etiquette, questions are not confrontational, but simple easy-to-understand questions designed to elicit specific information.

Ask questions to battle jargon.

Don’t be shy or embarrassed about asking someone to clarify a statement which has an unfamiliar word or acronym.  Many people use jargon or language of their profession when they talk.  Be sure to ask the meanings of those words.

A slightly more difficult situation arises when you are in the same industry and the other person assumes you know the meaning of words that he or she is using.  You may feel embarrassed to ask for the meaning under that circumstance because you think you should know.  There are a few good ways to handle this situation.  My favorite response is this statement, “Just to be sure that we are using our vocabulary in the same way, tell me exactly how you define ABC.”  When the other person defines a term for you, you can respond:

• That’s great. We use the phrase the same way.
• Glad I asked; we use that phrase a little differently, but we can go with your definition.
• I just learned something new.

If you think the other person is using the term drastically different than you are accustomed and some real damage may be done if you use the word their way instead of your way in a negotiation, say “We should define that term in the written agreement so others won’t get confused.  You and I know what we are talking about, but we want to be sure that everyone else does, too.”  Don’t get into a battle over definitions.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercise.

What You Get From Your Reconnecting Conversation

The information the other person gives could be something of interest to you or something about which you can give support.

Or the information might be valuable to someone else you know.

Typically, after telling you what’s going on in their lives, they will come back and inquire about yours.  So both sides of the conversation get an update.

The conversation is re-establishing relationship and is a natural source for networking.

English Communication Skill: Be a Listening Magnet- Part 2 Be Alert & Write it Out!

Here are some  more practical tips for shooting forward in your listening skill–

1. Take an alert body position

Enhance your conversation by doing these body positions

• Uncross your arms and legs.
• Sit straight in the chair.
• Face the speaker full on.
• Lean forward.
• Make as much eye contact as you can.

And if you feel yourself getting drowsy, don’t give in. Sit up straighter. Stand up.  Get a drink  of water. Emphasis on “get!”  Get the blood flowing in whatever way works for you.  Don’t think you can effectively combat drowsiness without changing your physical position.

2. Write it down

Taking notes is a great listening aid.  Regardless of whether you ever refer to your notes again, the simple act of writing down the most important points boosts the entire listening process.  Fully absorbing an entire conversation through listening only is almost impossible.

If you are negotiating with another person or persons, making notes is important throughout every step of the negotiating process.  In this circumstance, review your notes right away to be sure that you wrote down everything you may want to remember, and that you can read everything you wrote down.  If you can’t read your notes, (and sometimes I can barely read my notes!) then redo the notes right away!

For negotiating or any business meeting or important meeting of any kind, when you are comfortable with your notes, consider providing a status report to the other side.  A confirming memo is an excellent way to assure that you listened well. Writing down what you think you heard and verifying the material with the other side is a positive experience.

However, if your counterpart believes you recorded the conversation incorrectly, then he or she can provide the conflicting information.  Immediately thank the other person. Point out that you wrote the memo to be sure you listened well and interpreted the discussion accurately.

Here is a tip. If the other person says you got it all wrong and misunderstood him or her, do consider this. You may  have listened carefully, because it is just as likely that the other person is correcting a sloppy communication to you.  People often change or refine their position when they see it in writing.  Do let that modification happen gracefully to the written record of what happened in the meeting and the agreements or disagreements therein.

When the other person provides a new version of the negotiations or the communication in any meeting, simply change your notes.  In fact, arguing about  who said what never furthers negotiations or communication about the content of a meeting. However what does further negotiations of communication and relationship IS identifying the other person’s position, especially an opposing party’s position.  Remember: You write it out to get it right.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercise.

English Communication Skill: Be a Listening Magnet

Communication is connecting with people.  Relationship. And half of the story is listening.

Do you want to be a better listener?  Do you want the other person to know you are truly in the same space with them?

There are four things you can do right now to improve your listening skills.  They are easy and bring immediate results.  Today, we’ll talk about two

1. Clear away the clutter. Noise clutter, desk clutter, even mind clutter.

What to do?

•  When you talk to someone, don’t just mute the television, turn it off.
• If you have something else on your mind, write it down before you enter a conversation. With that note as a reminder, you won’t worry about forgetting to address the issue – and your mind is free to focus on the rest of the conversation.
• Clear your desk – or whatever is between you and the speaker – so you concentrate on what the speaker is saying.
• Don’t accept phone calls or texts while you are talking with someone else. Interrupting a conversation to take a call or review a text makes the person in the room with you feel unimportant – and makes what you have to say seem unimportant.

2. Count to three

Here’s an extraordinarily simple strategy to help you listen more effectively. Just count to three before you speak.  This slight delay enables you to absorb and understand the last statement before you respond.

As you practice this skill over time, actually counting may not be necessary, but the pause always benefits you.  You absorb the message, and you give the other person one last chance to modify the statement or question.  Even if your response is simply that you must consult with your client, spouse, or boss, pausing for three seconds helps you better understand and remember what the other person said.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercise.

The Power of Reconnecting 2

When calling to reconnect with people, all you have to say is:

“I was thinking about you because … “

“I was talking to … and I thought of you.”

“I was thinking about my career and I thought about how you influenced me with …”