English Communication: How to Say Good-bye

Greeting people is easy compared to saying good-bye, especially when at a social gathering.

Here are some of my favorite tips for graciously departing from a conversation.  The emphasis here is on “gracious.”

The situation: You have listened intently and participated in a conversation.  You deem it is  time to leave the gathering or you want to strike up conversation with someone else.

What to do?

Smile and tell the person “I am needing to go.”

Then call the person by name and acknowledge something they said.  This is to let them know you were indeed listening and taking in information.  For example,  “Bob, it sure was good talking to you.  I loved hearing about your hiking the Pacific Coast Trail.  It makes me want to start making a plan for hiking with my friends.  Hope you get to hiking again soon.”

Express your desire to see them again.  For example, “Hope I get to see you again at this gathering next time.”

Smile and depart.

What do I especially like?  The acknowledging of one of their topics of conversation.  I know it always feels so good to me when someone does that about what I have said.  So I make this a cornerstone of my leavetaking.

Gracious communication.  It only takes a few words.

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Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

Deciding Whether You Should Accept an Invitation to Speak- Part 1

(Of course, if your boss asks you to give a speech, do it!)

First things first:

• Do you have the time in your schedule?

o   You need time to get to and from the event and answer questions

• Do you have time to prepare?

o   You want to prepare a speech you are proud of and satisfies the expectations of your audience

o   Preparing  a 30-minute speech can take hours, days, weeks or months depending on who you are speaking to and how important the speech is

English Communication: How Are You? More Angles of View–In Person & On the Phone

It’s not what you say, but how you say it.

“How are you?” is a ritual greeting in the United States.  But how you say it can move it from ritual to relationship.

Here are a few more angles of view:

Angle of view three:  For optimal connection, say the person’s name within your ritual greeting.  There is something particularly sincere about saying the other person’s name:  “How are you, Mary?”  By saying their name, you are demonstrating a bit of extra caring.  Depending on your tone of voice, the person knows if you sincerely want to know how they are really doing or if you are doing a pure ritual greeting.

Angle of view four:  55% of a person’s impression of you comes from body language.  Do you want to be perceived as being open and friendly?   Make your body posture open.  Legs and feet steady and straight.  Arms hanging naturally from the shoulders.  Be sure not to cross your arms in front of your chest.  Better to keep hands out of pockets.  Lean slightly forward.  Look in the person’s eyes.

Angle of view five:  Did you know that people can actually hear a smile over the telephone?  Try it the next time you are greeting someone on the phone.  The position of the lips makes different frequencies and tones and people can recognize that.  Combine that with a warm, sincere tone of voice, and you will warm the other person’s heart.

Angle of view six: For variety, try this: “I’m so glad to see you.”  Or, it’s great to see you.”

Yes, we have the same, classic take-home message: Communication is truly about connection.   So many angles of view—even for the ritual greeting, “How are you?” Do look and listen.  Do take the effort to know and say their name. Make your body language and tone friendly and open.  Express your pleasure. Remember to do connection.   Remember to be connected.  So satisfying for all.

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Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

Make the Last Words Memorable

Here’s a simple formula for setting up your final line: just say, “I have one final thought that I want to leave you with.”  Or: “If you remember just one thing I’ve said today, remember this…”  Then give them a whopping thought.  Make it strong and make it relevant — to your talk and to your audience.

English Communication:  How Are You?  Two Angles of View

“How are you?”

Simple little phrase, yes? But it drives international people a little crazy in the U.S.

That’s because in their home country, if people say, “How are you?”, they really do want to know how you are doing or what is happening in your life.

First angle of view for this phrase: In the U.S., this is a ritual greeting.  When you say, “How are you?” you are acknowledging the other person.  It is the same as “Hi.”   How do you know that?  Because often there is no opportunity for other persons to respond with utterances expressing their state of well-being.

Second angle of view: This little greeting ritual will actually tell you a great deal about other people, even if they only respond with a word or short phrase.  The expected answer–ritual answer–is “fine,” or some variation.  “OK.”  “Not bad.” “Just fine.”  The key is mostly in the tone of voice and the body language.   35% of a person’s impression of you comes from your tone of voice.  And 55% of impression comes from body language.

Thus, listen and look.  You will get a good handle or idea of the genuine mental, emotional state of other people if you closely listen and look.  Combine all three– the words, the tone of voice, the expression on people’s faces, the set of their shoulders, their posture—and you will know whether the person is exuberant, in great mental shape, feeling above average, feeling average, in kind of OK shape, or dreadful.  We are all expected to say “fine,” or similar.  But if you truly are wanting to know how the other person is doing, then look and listen.

Why would you want to know?  Because adjusting your communication to the other person will give you powerful outcomes.  Based on your perception of the other person’s well being, you can make good judgment about what to communicate, how much to request.  Getting a match up between other people’s communication mode and your mode will allow you to build unconscious empathy with other people.  The outcome?  Communication will be more successful, more satisfying.  For a vivid example, if you say, “How are you,” and the other person’s face drops into one of tenseness (look to the eyes and the skin around the eyes, for tension around the mouth, or a body posture which looks stiff), then the advice is to pursue the question to determine what is happening with the other person–for example, if the person has suffered a big loss (i.e.,  loved one—perhaps via breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend or the death of a dear husband or mother or cousin).

Also, for most effective communication, match the communication demeanor of the other person.  That means you match the same positioning of the arms and legs, and have the same level of energy and loudness .  That means you lean forward into the talker.  Remember, people will indeed tell you their mental and emotional state if you know how to read the signs.

I recommend you match in tone of voice and in body language, the mode of the other person.  That is your instant empathy and connection.  Then take a moment to adjust your communication message.

Click here: www.cleartalkmastery.com/scheduler to sign up for a Free Sample Lesson with us!

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.