The Power of Reconnecting 1

When calling to reconnect with people,  all you have to say is:

“Can you believe it’s been … years?”

“Do you remember the time we worked on the … project together?”

English Communication Skill: How do you ask for a date?

Connecting with people.  Getting started —  that is the hardest part in so many human activities.

People who speak English as a second language often ask about colloquial or typical ways of asking a person out for a date.  What is the general American cultural pattern of that conversation?  In the culture of the United States, males can ask and females can ask.

Here are some ideas for you:

Warmup Question

“How are you?”

“How’s it going?”

(Rationale: The answer to this question will tell you whether to proceed forward.  For example, the tone of voice and body language may indicate that the other person is going through a very hard time, say an accident or death in the family. If that is the case, it is not a good time to ask the person out for a date.)

Ask about Schedule

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Do you have any plans on (day of the week)?”

(Rationale:  If the answer is that the person has another commitment or is exhausted, then regroup on your plan for when to do this date.)

Mention Activity

“There’s this cool (activity idea) coming up.”

“I’ve been meaning to check out (activity idea)”

(Rationale:  The appeal of the activity idea might be enough to persuade the other person that going out with you is a great idea!)

Ask for agreement to date or activity

“Do you want to go out?”

“Do you want to (activity idea)?”

(Rationale: Be sure to be direct and to the point.  You may feel shy or uncertain about the other person’s answer.  However, if you are not direct and to the point, then the other person may not even know that she/he has been asked out.)

 Compliment

“You’re just fun to hang out with.”

“You’re just so interesting.”

(Rationale:  Compliments help the other person know just what is their appeal to you.)

Advancing the idea or giving an encouraging description

“It’ll be a lot of fun.”

“The weather’s going to be great.”

“I’ve heard (activity idea) is awesome.”

(Rationale: Putting focus on the activity and the pleasure it will bring eases some of the uncertainty and pressure on the other person to say yes to going out with you.)

Retreat or allowing for space to decide

“Just thought I’d put it out there.”

“Only if it sounds like fun.”

“No pressure.”

“Figured it was worth asking.”

(Rationale: Be observant of the other person’s body language for determining whether they are somewhat indecisive and are not sure.  Taking the pressure off makes it easier for them to agree to go out with you, or not go out with you, on this occasion.  It also doesn’t lock them into never going out with you.  For example, if you suggest ice skating, they could turn you down because they don’t know how to ice skate.)

Once you have the basic phrases engrained in your mind, you can combine for what fits your circumstance.

Also, a second reminder for you to be looking at body language to help you interpret the other person’s response to your question about doing a date or activity with you. You could decide to go with enthusiasm in the form of advancing the idea or giving an encouraging description.  Or you could decide to go with a bit of humbleness in the form of a retreat.   Both are follow-up phrases which give the other person time and space to decide if she or he wants to go out with you or do an activity with you.

By the way, if there is a rejection because of the activity, ask the other person what activity she/he would feel comfortable or excited about.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

The Power of Staying in Touch… and Reconnecting

Everyone has a vast network of relationships. It is great to cultivate your relationships, your network, for growth, action, and interaction

So it is important to stay in touch with people.  Staying in touch with people is like the little drops of water that make the trees grow and blossom.

English Communication Skill: Great Getting to Know You Venues

It is all about relationship.  Communication and relationship.  People want connection with other people.  There is something wonderful about getting to know a new person.   That is especially true if you have had an encounter that gave you the intuition or gut feeling that you and this particular person would bond and might have a lot in common.

What to do when you are wanting to get to know someone better?

Here are some tips for getting together with a potential friend for the first time.  Perhaps it is someone you have met in a class, or at a work event, or through a friend. Or perhaps it is a date.

These destinations promote conversation.

Museums: Big open spaces like art museums give you the opportunity to walk around in a beautiful setting while getting to know each other.

Consider other kinds of museums such as a science museum, a transit museum, history museum, etc.  Chances are there’s a small, quirky niche cultural attraction in your area for exploring.

Restaurants: Choose a place that is relative relaxed – where you can hear each other.  If it is a new restaurant, check it out in advance.  Consult with the other person for kind of restaurant. Preferences make a difference, such as vegetarian, gluten free, msg free.

Long walks:  A relaxed stroll through the city or a local park is great for conversation. You could do an outdoor festival, flea market, or farm stand.

Used books or music store:  These places provide plenty of opportunity to get to know a person.  Old records, used paperbacks, discounted CDs provide instant conversation starters to get you talking about shared interests, likes or dislikes.  Choose a place with a coffee shop or restaurant nearby so you can extend the outing and conversation afterwards.

Outdoor adventures:  If you are both nature-loving types, a hike , bike ride or trip to a lake makes a great get together and plenty of time to talk.

One word of warning.  There is a place that is a classic choice as the destination for a first get together – movies.  But with the purpose of getting to know someone, this place is difficult when you are sitting in silence through a two-hour show.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

How Do You Approach People with Confidence?

Learning to approach people with confidence is a professional skill that can serve anyone in any line of work.

It is not about making people talk or confronting people on elevators.

It is about your ability to open the door to conversation, with those people right around you now.

As you develop the skill of approaching people with confidence, you will notice that people  are much more available than you had imagined.  Sometimes all it takes is a smile, a hello, or a simple comment.