English Communication:  How Are You?  Two Angles of View

“How are you?”

Simple little phrase, yes? But it drives international people a little crazy in the U.S.

That’s because in their home country, if people say, “How are you?”, they really do want to know how you are doing or what is happening in your life.

First angle of view for this phrase: In the U.S., this is a ritual greeting.  When you say, “How are you?” you are acknowledging the other person.  It is the same as “Hi.”   How do you know that?  Because often there is no opportunity for other persons to respond with utterances expressing their state of well-being.

Second angle of view: This little greeting ritual will actually tell you a great deal about other people, even if they only respond with a word or short phrase.  The expected answer–ritual answer–is “fine,” or some variation.  “OK.”  “Not bad.” “Just fine.”  The key is mostly in the tone of voice and the body language.   35% of a person’s impression of you comes from your tone of voice.  And 55% of impression comes from body language.

Thus, listen and look.  You will get a good handle or idea of the genuine mental, emotional state of other people if you closely listen and look.  Combine all three– the words, the tone of voice, the expression on people’s faces, the set of their shoulders, their posture—and you will know whether the person is exuberant, in great mental shape, feeling above average, feeling average, in kind of OK shape, or dreadful.  We are all expected to say “fine,” or similar.  But if you truly are wanting to know how the other person is doing, then look and listen.

Why would you want to know?  Because adjusting your communication to the other person will give you powerful outcomes.  Based on your perception of the other person’s well being, you can make good judgment about what to communicate, how much to request.  Getting a match up between other people’s communication mode and your mode will allow you to build unconscious empathy with other people.  The outcome?  Communication will be more successful, more satisfying.  For a vivid example, if you say, “How are you,” and the other person’s face drops into one of tenseness (look to the eyes and the skin around the eyes, for tension around the mouth, or a body posture which looks stiff), then the advice is to pursue the question to determine what is happening with the other person–for example, if the person has suffered a big loss (i.e.,  loved one—perhaps via breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend or the death of a dear husband or mother or cousin).

Also, for most effective communication, match the communication demeanor of the other person.  That means you match the same positioning of the arms and legs, and have the same level of energy and loudness .  That means you lean forward into the talker.  Remember, people will indeed tell you their mental and emotional state if you know how to read the signs.

I recommend you match in tone of voice and in body language, the mode of the other person.  That is your instant empathy and connection.  Then take a moment to adjust your communication message.

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Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

Write It Out

You should write out your conclusion for two reasons. First, writing the conclusion combats stage fright. This time is the second most nerve-racking time for speakers So if you write it out, you don’t have to worry about forgetting it. Second, and most important, if you write out the conclusion, you’ll know when to stop. You won’t ramble.

English Communication: Wicked Awesome Words

The other day, Roberta (from Italy) commented, “Why does English have so many words for everything? ‘Smart,’ ‘Clever,’ ‘Brainy,’ ‘Intelligent’– in Italian we just say ‘Intelligente!’

It’s true, English has a lot of words!  You may think too many.  Most experts count at least 250,000. (Other experts say half a million, a million or even a billion. It is all in how you count them!)

No matter how you count the number of words in English, this is significantly higher than most other languages–likely more than any other language.

Why so many words?  The answer is in the language’s long and complicated history of invasion and conquest.  Of different cultures (and their languages) colliding, borrowing, and merging into one giant, beautiful mess.  And the answer is in the rapidly expanding vocabularies of all the sciences, technology, and even slang and colloquial phrases in popular culture.

Don’t worry, though– you don’t need to memorize anywhere close to all quarter-million (or more!) words to be a proficient English speaker.  And when it comes to words with synonyms (words with the same or similar meanings, like ‘smart’ and ‘intelligent’), you can often communicate what you need to say if you know just one of the words.

On the other hand, there are a few types of words in English that have hundreds of synonyms–especially adjectives like ‘good’ and ‘bad.  For example, ‘really good’ can be expressed with words like excellent, wonderful, amazing, incredible, and many more.  With words like these that are so, so common, you probably want to be able to use a few and recognize many.

To top it all off, these words also have slang counterparts– words that are fun to know and helpful to recognize, but should not be used in formal speech or writing.

Here are some of our favorite slang or informal words which mean “really good:”

• Awesome – Very common; can be used by anyone in informal situations
• Bodacious – Less common; very informal, has a ‘surfer’ or ‘stoner’ feel; used esp. by young men
• The best thing since sliced bread – Less common; cute and cheesy; can be used by anyone
• The bomb – Less common; very informal
• Dank – Less common (though more so recently); very informal; used esp. by men in early 20s or younger
• Fantastic – Very common; can be used by anyone in most situations
• Far out – Less common; very informal, has a ‘surfer’ or ‘stoner’ feel; used mostly by young people
• Off the hook – Less common; very informal; used mostly by young people
• Righteous – Less common; very informal; used mostly by young people
• Sick – Less common; very informal; used mostly by young people
• Tight – Less common; very informal; used mostly by young people
• Unreal – Less common;  informal; can be used by anyone, but used mostly by young people
• Wicked – Less common; very informal; used mostly by young people

Pay attention to the variety of ‘really good’ synonyms you encounter in your daily life.  You never know what bodacious words you’ll come across.

Click here: www.cleartalkmastery.com/scheduler to sign up for a Free Sample Lesson with us!

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.

Contributing editor: Amber McKinney

Wow Your Audience

Get a business card from someone in the company that you’ll be addressing and scan in the company logo. Then you can make it appear in the corner of every screen with your logo.

English Communication: How to Put People at Ease at Meetings

Sometimes you are going to a meeting to persuade.  In that case, use the first five minutes to put people at ease.  People’s egos are on alert status the first few minutes of a meeting, and you want to relax them so they’ll be receptive to your ideas.

One way to relax people is to bring lots of information with you.  If it’s the first time you’re meeting with the group, you can look up the leaders on Google and social networking sites like Facebook or LinkedIn so you’re up-to-date on their backgrounds and activities.  You can bring up the topic yourself during the first five minutes – “I looked you up online, you’ve had  quite a career” – or mention it when they start talking about something you recognize from your research.  Be sure to visit their company’s website.

If you already know the people you’re meeting with, use the first five minutes to make them feel valued.  If it is a superior,  acknowledge that the person is taking time out of his or her busy day.  There are a couple of ways to do this.  You could say, “Thanks for meeting with me. I know you are busy.”  Or you can be more specific, for example by asking about a project the person is working on.  Or you could be even bolder and aim to really make an impression.   This is the suggestion of Chris St. Hilaire.  To paraphrase his example:  Think  about the last time your superior complained about  something – babies crying on the  airplane or a restaurant which never puts enough mayo on a sandwich. When you go to meet with this person, bring a pair of inexpensive headphones or a jar of mayonnaise, set it on the desk, and say, “I’ve solved your problem.  Can I have a minute of your time?”  It is using a casual touch to signal that you listen to the other person and care enough to actually go out and  buy  the item.

During the first five minutes, you will also be making a visual impression.  Here are some tips to consider. Conventional wisdom is to match your style of dress to the people you’ll be meeting—this makes you one of them.   Another angle of view is that when you are selling a service, consider that you may not want to look exactly like the people you’re persuading.  If you are just like them, why do they need you?  They need a person who can contribute something new.  So consider dressing a little differently, to set yourself a little apart.  In this fashion, you are also signaling that you are not competing with them.   Then there is the old but true dictum of salesmanship that if you’re going to sell something valuable, you need to look affluent.  With all this in mind, you might go with casual dress and choose a classy pullover sweater and jeans, both of which are obviously expensive.

Lastly, a way to put people at ease is knowing that other people will notice and be curious about whatever you are carrying.  It is an icebreaker.

Think about how your behavior and dress can put people at ease. Your intention will then direct you in your choices!

Click here: www.cleartalkmastery.com/scheduler to sign up for a Free Sample Lesson with us!

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.